Getting over a relationship can be difficult, especially when the end of the relationship was not your choice.  Maybe you are finding yourself consumed with feelings of grief as you go through stages of shock, denial, bargaining, anger, and deep sadness.  It might sound cliche but getting over someone takes real strength – especially if their leaving was unceremonious or not in your control.

All of a sudden the new landscape of life changes. Your home and places you would go to together, your “go too” places now have become “no go” zones for you.   The memories associated with these places now seem dangerous and make you feel as though your whole world is ending.

During the days, weeks, and even months following the ending of a relationship it can be difficult to process the breakup and figure out what comes next.  It is actually normal for you to even feel like your heart will never heal from this pain or that you’ll spend hours crying over every detail of it again in order to make sense of things. In fact, sometimes you can feel like you are on an emotional rollercoaster from hell! 

You may even find yourself asking “why did this happen?”, “what’s wrong with me?” or wondering how long your feelings of sadness and anger will last before you start to feel whole again. The truth is that it’s hard when you have so many unanswered questions and the healing process can be difficult, but there are ways for you to get through it.

For many, including maybe you,  the worst part of a bad breakup or divorce is the toll that it takes on your self-esteem. It’s hard to feel good about yourself when you’re dealing with rejection or left questioning your own judgment. You might find yourself asking, “What’s wrong with me?” “Why am I not good enough?” “What if I am just too fucked up for anyone?”

This transition period after a relationship ends can be really tough The good news? You’re not alone and these feelings do subside!

Losing someone that you loved can be one of the most painful, confusing, and complicated things that you can go through. Your family and friends may be saying things like “You need to just move on and let it go,” or “You’ll find someone better,” it’s not that simple.  Of course, you want to move on, and create a fresh start, but just thinking about it feels impossible.  I mean, how can you think about building a new life when you’re still stuck in grieving your old one.

I get it! When you’re heartbroken, it feels like you walk around with a burning hole in your heart and you can’t stop obsessively thinking about it!   You can’t just “turn off” the feelings, even though the relationship is over. Yes, logically you know you need to move on, but even though your head tells you one thing your heart is still attached — even if you are the one that left.

The time following a breakup can be difficult, but it’s not impossible. I know that right now you may not feel like anything positive can come from the loss that you are experiencing right now, but you can recover and even come back stronger after you have processed what has actually happened.  

Therapy is an opportunity for you to work through your emotions and come out on the other side of being stuck so that you can have a happier and healthier life!